A Dynastic Decree
by DoMeStarscream
Summary: In Ancient Egypt, Atem's greatest goal becomes unattainable due to the efforts of a certain white-haired thief.  Benevolent as ever, Atem decides to speak with Bakura... but things don't go as well as he planned. EDIT: REVISED.


UPDATE: This story was beta'd by the very kind Millennium Thief who really fixed it up for me. Please thank her for her selflessness and check out her AWESOME stories here: .net/u/1656240/millenniumthief (they are way better than mine!)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place in Ancient Egypt where Atem (spoiler!) and Bakura live; at this time they are friends (before Bakura gets possessed). This story is 100% canon. Do not flame. I try very hard. My fingers are doing much better now and my friend betas my story when she is awake. Please do not FLAME.

Atem awakened in his big big big palace in Egypt. He was surrounded by birds and geese and he shouted "SHUT UP" to them. They shut up because he's the pharaoh of course!

He suddenly noticed that that his hair gel was missing, and he became mad-very mad. He knew where it went.

"Last night I lent it to Thief King Bakura," he stated to the geese surrounding him. "Big mistake, Atem."

When Atem left the palace, he was followed by many many people-about 24 servants, and many of them were not wearing a lot of clothes because it's very hot. Atem became very embarrassed to be with them. He said "Put some clothes on!" And then he dashed away from them because as the pharaoh he felt above indecencies like being followed by people.

After running away, he found Bakura sitting in a puddle-it had rained the night before and the remnants of the shower still lingered in the sandy street.

Bakura was playing with some jackal friends of his, and Atem became enraged when he noticed that the jackals were sporting faux-hawks. He knew why.

"You put my hair gel on JACKALS?" Atem bellowed in a commanding voice suited to a pharaoh.

Bakura was so shocked that he jumped seven feet straight up into the air.

"No, they stole it from me" Bakura pleaded, but Atem had the innate ability to spot liars. Looking into the eyes of people, Atem alone was able to see a ticking clock behind their pupils that says "Lie lie, tick tock. Lie lie tick tock" when a person is lying.

Many people are unaware of this fact, but Ancient Egyptian hair gel was composed primarily of whale semen.

Pharaoh Atem grabbed Bakura and the jackals by their hair and pulled them into the Nile. He said, "You will meet your death in the jaws of crocodiles if you do not tell me where my hair gel is."

Bakura began to cry, and his tears became blood when he realized that Atem would kill him if he did not divulge the whereabouts of the coveted hair gel.

"Okay, I'll tell you," Bakura cried. Atem smirked, his countenance sinister. "It's in my house; I left it there." Bakura finished.

Atem ran away to Bakura's house and immediately found his hair gel.

He began to rub it all over himself-caressing his body and running the smooth gel between his knees, under his arms, through his hair, even into his mouth. He rolled on the floor, licking his fingers, enjoying the pure ecstasy of the moment. When his guards finally caught up to him, all 24 of them, they immediately recognized his need for time alone with the hair gel.

They quietly backed away and left King Atem alone. Bakura came home later, and he found Atem unconscious in a puddle of gel.

"OH NO HE HAD TOO MUCH" Bakura screamed. He dragged the limp Pharaoh to the doctor's office.

The doctor was immediately concerned when he saw that Atem could die. "You did this to King Tim" he said to Bakura, but the white-haired boy shrieked in response: "No! He did this to himself!" And he hung his head down, tears running down his manly chest.

The doctor was able to save Atem, but he warned him not to eat and sleep in so much whale semen in the future.

Atem cried, and there was such a high level of whale urine in his body that his tears were composed of it.

He thanked the doctor and left with Bakura.

When they finally arrived home to the palace, Atem decided to make an announcement to his people.

"Hear ye," he cried to the Egyptian people below him. "I decree that all Egyptians never use whale semen in or on their bodies again!"

Everyone sobbed-they knew it was bad for them, but they didn't want to give it up. The greatest tragedy, though, was that the hieroglyph for whale semen is the same as that for water, so the deaf citizens of Egypt thought they were no longer permitted to drink water. For this reason, they died in a very sad example of collateral damage.

"Okay Pharaoh" the people called in response to his decree.

"And I decree!" Atem continued to the horror of his people, "That Bakura is now public enemy number one!" Bakura was shocked and could not believe that-why would Atem do this to him? Whyyyy?

Bakura ran away, and from that day on he stole things, living up to his name.

THANKS FOR READING this one isn't as good as my others because I didn't know which way to go. I kept changing my mind because I thought, "depending on how this story goes, it could change how Bakura's character is portrayed completely," you know? So I kept thinking about how to write a graceful piece in which he is normal and fits into canon.


End file.
